Days 2015

Days 2015

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Martha and Me

Cooper is super cute right now. He loves to jabber, and for the last month, his favorite thing to say is "Buggabuggabuggabugga." We aren't sure what that is, but it probably spawned from Boston asking for something to be "bigga bigga". So, we think Cooper is simply commanding himself to grow. He will be one year old the eighteenth and is almost walking. (If so, he'll be my earliest walker. Boston didn't walk until 17 mos, the lazy bum.) Today he was standing and holding onto cabinet handles. I handed him a toy and he stood for several moments holding it without any support. Then he realized what was going on and started to cry because he was stuck and didn't know how to get down.
Boss said something extra cute yesterday, too. We went to our nephew Tate Laker's baptism. Boston loves Tate, who completely dotes on him. While we were waiting for Tate's turn (it was a huge baptism--six kids), Mark asked Boss, "Are you going to get baptized like Tate someday?" Boston looked all aghast. "Noooo." We, of course, were thinking it was because he's a little afraid of water. Mark asked him why he said no. He replied, pointedly looking at the row of children in white, "I not dressed!"
Leslie and I have been fun the last few days practicing to sing with a group of mothers and daughters for Mothers' Day. She is the loudest kid of the bunch, and I just grin and know that she is mine. She also wants to know why there is going to be a Father Son outing and nothing for the mothers and daughters. She told Mark that they should probably have something other than camping so the moms would want to do it.
I got called to be our ward's compassionate service leader last week, so I got released from my two music callings. I'm very much looking forward to getting to help people on a more personal, Christian level and bring in meals or babysit or whatever. I've been feeling pretty good about reclaiming my schedule and being able to accomplish a lot, with scriptures every morning and finally exercising a few times a week. But sometimes I get a little discouraged at the continual to-do list of a mother and sad that sometimes the time I look forward to the most--when the kids are in bed and I can finally put my feet up and eat bonbons (figuratively, well, most of the time) is so selfish and quite meaningless. I was wondering about this last night. Why do I work hard all day to finally be able to relax and watch someone else's life in a movie or read about them in a book. What about MY life? Why am I in such a bad mood? I finally realized that I've been tricked by the worst trickster. Why do I limit my own happiness to waiting for when I have everything done on my list, the house looks beautiful, a gorgeous centerfold meal has been cooked and obediently eaten, my children are playing quietly and not bothering me or each other, and I am lounging in the sun, sipping homemade lemonade and gazing out at my flawless, beautifully landscaped backyard? HELLO! That means NEVER! And I already really do lead such a charmed life, why have I trained myself to be like this? Good grief. I read again about Martha this morning. The Lord didn't tell her, as I've always assumed he meant, "sit down and listen to the scriptures being taught and we'll just eat later". With this reading of it, I've been doing okay myself. (I do this every day.) No. He gently pointed out to her that she was being careful (footnote says worried) and troubled about many things. That's it. Read here, "Martha, Martha, thou art being UNHAPPY." Hmmm. That's me right there, and I don't think He likes me that way at all. So I've decided to not get tricked into unhappiness again. Today has been SO nice. I've practiced just enjoying life with all of my senses, and trying to appreciate single interactions with others. My pretty solitary tulip. The sound of my daughter singing. The warmth and fuzziness of my baby's too-long hair. I've also noticed that it's way easier to be more loving to my children if I'm not worrying about my to-do list or my must-have-someday list. A happy mom is a loving mom. So let's all make this a good Mother's Day week so our kids actually want to smother us with love right back.

2 comments:

Beam Family said...

Jackie,
Thanks for this post, especially the part about being a mom. I needed it today.

Leslie

J&R Haynes said...

As usual Jackie, you help us all see our true purpose and direction. Thanks for helping me regain a better perspective :)

Rachel H